


Angels

by meowdorima



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 10:23:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7264084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meowdorima/pseuds/meowdorima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean and Marco have broken up after five years of being together, unable to overcome the difficulties of their newly formed long distance relationship. Meeting again at a friend's birthday party now, Jean doesn't know what to say.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Angels

**Author's Note:**

> Jean-centric | basically just Jean mourning with a tiny happy end.
> 
> quite obviously inspired by the song Angels by The xx, so credits to them.

#### 【 you move through the room 】

  


I see you right when you enter the party location. You’re looking great as ever, wearing jeans and a navy blue button up shirt. Sunglasses are hooked into your neckline and they throw me off for a second because they don’t quite seem to fit you, nor are they appropriate for the weather, but then I realize it’s sunny where you live now.  
Sasha has spotted you in the meantime and waves so you can come over because they’ve all missed you a lot. _Not as much as I miss you, but still._ No ones paying attention to me so I leave our shared group of friends as you approach them to spare you that awkward moment of not knowing how to greet me. Should you hug me like everyone else or do we shake hands? Do you just smile at me? Or would you ignore me all together?  
I don’t think I could take it if you were to just walk past me, so admittedly besides trying to avoid that potentially awkward moment, I’m only chickening out so I don’t get hurt any further.  
There’s a hole in my heart and I feel **pathetic**.

  


#### 【 like breathing was easy 】

  


You’re dancing with Christa and I feel jealousy bubbling up inside of me, not because I’m afraid she might take you away from me〔 she didn’t even have to 〕, but because you two look so careless right now. Granted, you’re not the best dancer, to the point where I’d want to take you by the hand and show you some basic steps, at least. But the closer I’d get to you, the more I’d just want to go along with you and the fun you’re having. You’re so lovable when you smile, no matter how graceful you look.  
I’m going to pry my eyes off of you now and get a drink. I shouldn't try to drown my problems in alcohol, I know that, but right now it seems like the better solution because I’m thinking of cutting again.  
I'm well aware I promised you never to cut again and that has been working fairly well for me while I still _had_ you to comfort me〔 or let my anger out on you 〕when I was feeling down, but since you’ve moved and stopped talking to me, I must admit I’ve started hurting myself quite regularly again.  
I cringe, imagining your disappointed face if you saw my forearms.  
_If you’d even still care_ , that is.

  


#### 【 if someone believed me 】

  


It’s been over two hours now and I still haven’t talked to you. It seems ridiculous, considering how close we used to be only a few months ago. You’ve been my best friend for eight years, five of which we’d been lovers. I feel like I spent more time with you than I have with my own mother and now I don’t know what to say to you. What’s wrong with me?  
I should apologize, yeah, but to be fair I’ve tried a few times after we fought but you wouldn’t take my calls or answer my messages and as much as I deserve the silent treatment, it’s poisonous for my mental health. You’re crucial to my well-being.  
Only a short while ago you’d come over in the middle of the night if I needed it. Even if I ignored you or was being mean to you the whole day, you’d still condone me, because〔 as you used to say 〕you know I’m not myself sometimes and I don’t mean what I say. However this time I’ve gone too far and seriously hurt you. I shouldn’t be surprised; you’re so fragile and I should have taken better care of you.  
  _I’m sorry_.

  


#### 【 they would be as in love with you as I am 】

  


I keep staring at you throughout the night. You always told me I was the better catch in our relationship but I’m continuously stunned at how pretty you are. You have a subtle tan already and it suits you well. Luckily your freckles are still prominent on your face and arms.  
There’s a soft tinge of pink on your cheeks and even though you blush easily, since you look fully at ease right now, I assume it’s because you’ve drunk. You’re always so cute and loving when you do.  
I’m not really listening to Eren who’s telling me about his new school but I’m acting like I do, shifting my gaze between him and you and nodding sporadically.  
The next time I’m looking at you I almost jump because for the first time tonight our eyes meet. You’re looking at me and your brown orbs linger for a moment and it’s so soothing somehow. I expect you to frown and just look away, signaling me to leave you alone but instead you s m i l e and I smile at you in return.

  


#### 【 they would be in love, _love_ , **love**. 】


End file.
